The secret of a happy marriage

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The secret of a happy marriage

Author: Testimony,
"Love One Another!" 34/2016

The secret of a happy marriage

Sometimes I wonder what gives us happiness in life. A person can have everything and be very unhappy, but they can also be poor and have an inner feeling of freedom and happiness. God gave me the graces to be a happy wife and mother, and to know how to relish every moment in life, and I’m extremely grateful to Him for everything.

I prayed for St Joseph’s intercession to get a good husband, but I also worried that there was no reasonable candidate in my life. I met Peter when we were eighteen years old. I didn’t consider him a reasonable choice for a boyfriend at all, and even less for a husband. He was so shy and unsure of himself, and too quiet. I was looking for someone who was attractive, witty, brilliant (he is that way now; he changed into a fantastic responsible man). After we had known each other for six months, Peter declared his love for me. Hearing it didn’t have much impact on me; I think my friends were more excited about it than I was. For a long time, I couldn’t find within myself the frankness to tell him that I didn’t love him and wouldn’t be able to awake any feelings of love. There was always something that “held me back”. Two years later, after a summer retreat, I decided to tell him about it, but instead I realised that a spring thaw was taking place in my heart, and feeling was growing. His patience was being rewarded. Our togetherness developed very slowly. More than six months passed before the first time Peter took my hand, but when he did, he held it as though it were a priceless treasure. We still remember that occasion today and love to tell our kids about it.

My heart always harboured a desire to preserve premarital chastity. We determined together that we wouldn’t have sex before our wedding, even though Peter revealed that he wanted to. But he respected my decision. That was a beautiful time of getting to know each other’s emotions, expectations and desires, along with conversations on various topics. To this day, we continue to cherish how important and beautiful this decision was. That sphere of our life radiates through the entirety of our togetherness. We are very glad that we remained chaste. At times, it was difficult, but with God’s help we prevailed in the challenging struggle for chastity. Anything that requires great effort is all the more valuable for it.

Forgiveness gives one the strength to endure, and to fight for the marriage even when we encounter a crisis – or perhaps especially then, because we emerge from every crisis stronger than before

These days, many young people have no respect for chastity. Chastity isn’t an important value for them. How are they supposed to know that it is the most beautiful thing that they can offer each other when the media promotes quick and easy solutions and replacing the “old” with the “new” without any struggle? But the point of fighting a battle is to win it.

Chastity requires a great effort, coupled with a commitment to concrete requirements: keeping passions under control and knowing when to say “stop”, and staying out of situations which could lead to sin. But it all pays off beautifully in later life!!! It was so beautiful on our wedding night when we could offer each other the gift of ourselves, then, little by little, discover each other’s needs and be happy with each other every day. Everything in its own time. It’s worthwhile to wait in order to savour the taste of happiness. We had resolved to live in keeping with natural methods of recognising fertility. It turned out that, despite my irregular cycles, this was a beautiful gift from God and proof of His incredible wisdom. Thanks to these methods, we were able to plan, conceive and bear our children together.

Even though nearly a quarter of a century has passed since the day of our wedding, we love each other even more than before. We still look forward to physical presence, a warm caress, hugging and cuddling. We want to be gifts to each other every day; a perpetual present in the daily grind. We are still attractive, appealing and beautiful for each other, and despite the passing of years and our decidedly average outward appearance, we take great pleasure in making love with each other. Our children are temporary guests; one day, they will go out into the world and establish their own families, but we will remain together. I look forward to being able to grow old with my husband.

I’m glad that we’ve spent these many years together, and that my husband provides me with a sense of security. Our secret to a successful relationship has been in daily prayer and the gift of forgiving each other every evening. Forgiveness gives one the strength to endure, and to fight for the marriage even when we encounter a crisis – or perhaps especially then, because we emerge from every crisis stronger than before. It’s worthwhile fighting for a marriage and not giving up! Marital fidelity is beautiful and gives a sense of security, stability and peace. With God, everything is possible! The Home Church community, in which we want to grow as people, gives us enormous support in the difficulties of daily life. St Joseph helped transform my husband from a shy little boy into a heroic man, and it was to him that I turned in prayer for my husband in difficult moments. And I thank him that my marriage, alongside my beloved husband, can be so wonderful.

A happy wife

Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2016/2016-34/the-secret-of-a-happy-marriage

The article was published with the permission from "Love One Another!" in September 2020.