God surprises me with His love!

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God surprises me with His love!

Author: Testimony,
"Love One Another!" 38/2017
Testimonies

I could not understand what was happening – after all, I was trying so hard, praying and waiting for the miraculous deliverance from addiction …

God surprises me with His love!

I am glad that “Love One Another!” published a testimony From vegetation to life, or how to get out of the madness of active sexoholism by Daniel, a sex-addict. I know Daniel personally and I am happy to have been able to watch him recover from sexoholism. Daniel was my first leader in the 12 Steps Program when I came to the community of Sexoholics Anonymous (SA) in April 2008. I came to SA through the testimony of Paweł From darkness to light, which appeared in the Polish edition of “Love One Another!”.

But first things first. I was a practicing Catholic involved in the Church renewal movement from the age of 19. This was when I accepted Jesus as my only Lord and Saviour. From that moment I began to attend daily Mass, receive Holy Communion, go to confession after each fall (sometimes two or three times a week), read the Bible and I got involved in a charismatic community. When I was around 20, after another confession, I experienced freedom from compulsive masturbation with which I had struggled for five years. I thought I was completely healed …

I had been addicted to it all this time, but I didn’t realize it at all

A year later I joined a religious order. At the time it seemed to me that the good God was calling me to priesthood. However, about half a year later, I happened to masturbate. I confessed this. A few months later, I fell once again, and again I confessed my sin. After a while I returned to active addiction … I had been addicted to it all this time, but I didn’t realize it at all. My return to active addiction happened when I was feeling down. I sought help from several confessors and at a therapy centre. After four years I left the order. Earlier, one of the confessors handed me a card with 12 SA steps and said that it might be my path to health. I thought that I had been already using these principles. But I was very wrong. I didn’t begin to live out the 12-step SA program until 10 years later, when I found the community of Sexoholics Anonymous.

Before then, I went back to my parents, continued my studies, became involved in an evangelism community and fought my addiction with all my strength as much as I could: I read the Bible, prayed the Chaplet of Divine Mercy and the rosary and I joined the MPH. In addition, I often participated in the Mass, went to confession after each fall, I adored Jesus in the Eucharist, went on pilgrimages to Czestochowa, Tuchów, Odporyszów, went to Ignatian retreats, evangelized, fasted, studied theology, gave alms, participated in prayer for healing, etc. Unfortunately, it was getting worse: I masturbated and watched pornography more and more… I was compulsively looking for a wife. Sexual obsessions disturbed me from praying, studying and so on. I could not understand what was happening – after all, I was trying so hard, praying and waiting for the miraculous deliverance from addiction …

Now I know that all these measures in fact inhibited the development of the disease, and I was spared a lot, but they couldn’t stop it. The good God, my Father, led me to the community where I can work with His grace and recover from addiction, and where I can help others. Sexual addiction is a chronic disease. St. Peter wrote: “Therefore prepare your minds for action; discipline yourselves; set all your hope on the grace that Jesus Christ will bring you when he is revealed. Like obedient children, do not be conformed to the desires that you formerly had in ignorance.” (1 Pet 1;13-14)

In my life, Jesus has continually performed miracles through the power of the Holy Spirit. He continues to surprise me with His love. I have been free from active addiction since 12 November 2009. I work in my profession, preaching the word of God, I have friends, I am involved in the new evangelism. The greatest gift of God’s mercy, obtained through the intercession of Mary, is that I got married and I have a little son. For everything may the good God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit be glorified now and forever!

Jan

Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2017/2017-38/god-surprises-me-with-his-love

The article was published with the permission from "Love One Another!" in April 2021.