He sought me out tirelessly

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He sought me out tirelessly

Author: Testimony,
"Love One Another!" 35/2016

My faith is a relationship with a living God, and the Movement of Pure Hearts helped me to build it.

He sought me out tirelessly

I don’t hide the fact that it was hard for me to bring myself to write this letter. It’s no doubt because someone wanted me to keep postponing it for the never ending “later”.

For as long as I can remember, I have always been a believer; I went to church and prayed. However, one day – it was about five years ago – thanks to a particular testimony, everything began to change.

I found a copy of Love One Another! in the kitchen and, leafing through it, I came across something amazing. I found out that my embarrassing problem was a sin! What’s more, it didn’t affect only me. The cascade of thoughts which I experienced made me put the magazine down and try to escape, forget.

But the Lord God didn’t give me up for lost; He sought me out tirelessly. After a while, I came across the article again. I beat myself up with thoughts, not knowing what to do. In the end, I wanted to go to confession, acknowledge my sins and finish with them for good. That was the only idea which brought me peace at that time.

With great fear and concern, but also with great determination, I went to the nearby parish. I said what I had planned and determined once and for all never to return to those things. What a relief I felt! An incredible freedom; peace and joy beyond anything I had ever experienced. I cried with joy that I had to do so little for Jesus to forgive me absolutely everything! I was thanking Him and praising Him. I also thought “I can’t permit myself to fall into sin again, it cost me too much”. I naïvely thought that I would be able to resist the sin by my own effort. In a short time, I fell again, and the scenario repeated itself a few more times: sin, confession, freedom, fall…

Now I see how the Lord wanted me to surrender to Him absolutely everything that was enslaving me. He wanted to take on Himself all my meagreness. At the time, I couldn’t believe the immensity of His mercy. In the end, after almost a year of struggling with myself, the good Lord freed me from the sin which hurt the feminine sensitivity that I had received from Him.

I cried with joy that I had to do so little for Jesus to forgive me absolutely everything. I was thanking Him and praising Him. I also thought “I can’t permit myself to fall into sin again, it cost me too much”

I received a sensitive heart, which helplessly searched for love. This sin had been with me for as long as I could remember. I couldn’t understand why I started to unburden myself of my tension this way, which was unworthy of a child of God. In the end, I recognised that I couldn’t cope with the need for love which no one was satisfying. It was all exacerbated by the unfortunate situation between my parents, who later separated.

With hindsight, I see how the experience of this specific evil drew me closer to the Lord God. My faith – the way I feel it – is a relationship with a living God, and the Movement of Pure Hearts, which I joined shortly after my conversion, helped me to build it. I am deeply convinced that Jesus knows us best, that He wants to make us happy, heal our bodies and mend our wounds. If we only let him stand at the helm of our lives, we can have peace, since He has a better plan for everything, and nothing for Him is impossible.

I thank every person who in any way contributed to revealing God’s truth in the world, and especially thank those who were not afraid to give testimony about our God’s omnipotent love, which helps attract to Him many souls who are seeking the light.

Martina

Source: https://loamagazine.org/archive/2016/2016-35/he-sought-me-out-tirelessly

The article was published with the permission from "Love One Another!" in September 2020.