"Love One Another!" 17/2010 → A testimony
I became interested in the Tarot de Marseille because it had the greatest magical possibilities. At the time I saw it as a woman’s thing that built up my self-confidence and empowered me, especially when people came to me for advice and I could read their fortunes through the tarot cards.
At first I had to learn the layouts or spreads, understand the symbolism and the connection between the cards. This took me a little while, but I persevered and devoted myself entirely to the art of presenting a good spread. I pored over the cards and talked with them as if they were people. After a few weeks I felt I was mastering the art. People sought my advice, and I told them the state of affairs, what the future held, and what to do in order to be happy. I read fortunes for free.
After a year I was a master at it. After two years I was sensational. The Tarot became my sole occupation. My friends would seek me out, and I would help them out in their difficult life situations in accordance with the advice given by the cards. I was convinced this was my life’s mission. I wanted to help others. I saw nothing wrong in this; and yet the means I chose to help others were quite ruinous.
Nothing untoward happened at first. I went to church like most other people. But after a while I no longer saw the need to go, and so I stopped going to Mass (for a good many years, as it turned out). No doubt things would have continued well enough for a while, if it had not been for my father noticing that I sat home all day, never went out, and was generally neglecting myself. Somehow I didn’t notice it myself. My father guessed that the cards were cause. My whole life at the time revolved around my tarot cards. I had no idea I was getting myself deeper and deeper into the occult.
One day after coming home from school, I felt like consulting the cards. I reached into the drawer only to discover they were not there. At first I felt an anguish of fury, then of despair. I had to touch and hold them to feel safe! I made a terrible row, begging my parents to return my cards, as if my life depended on them. I felt like someone standing against a wall awaiting execution. But instead of giving them back, they asked me to get rid of them. It was then that I realized I could not function without the cards. I saw myself as I was — enslaved; and this was not normal. So I decided to free myself from the habit. The first step was to destroy (burn) the cards.
That was the turning point. From then on, I never took another card into my hands–and now I have no desire to. I feel very grateful to my parents even though the struggle that followed took place without their knowledge. Today I feel that long before the process of my healing began someone must have been praying for me to see the light. I suspect it was my grandmother. After deciding to make a break with the Tarot, which meant throwing out all my books and anything else connected with the occult, I realized who I was dealing with. Knowing that he was losing me, the Evil One began to make himself known. Thus began my struggle to break with the occult.
Every advertisement for tarot cards filled me with an irresistible longing for them. I suffered terribly. I waged an inner struggle for my very survival. I felt no joy or desire to live. I was unable to think about normal things. My sense of my own existence crumbled around me.
There were times when I tried to pray, but I found this unbelievably difficult. I begged God to restore me, so I could perceive the world normally. I knew there was more than a psychological explanation to my state of mind. Bizarre images flashed though my mind — just like that, without reason. I had premonitions of future events, such as the deaths, illnesses, and misfortunes of other people. What I used to be able to see when laying out the cards, I could now see without the cards — out of the blue. Indeed, against my will. I prayed; and yet my prayers felt useless. I could sense now that I was not alone. For years someone had been grooming my psychic talents; and all along I thought these thoughts and visions had come from myself — that is, from a well-shuffled deck of cards.
Uncontrollable blasphemies began to fill my head. Someone would wake me at night. I felt a malevolent presence in my room. Thoughts of suicide tormented me, and I would curl up in terror. It was as if the Evil One were demanding his own and threatening to kill me. I fought for my peace of mind — and lost. Life had no appeal to me. When trying to fall asleep in my room, black maggots would crawl over the sheets, and the light would switch on by itself. Often, when coming home, I would bump into strange-looking people with madness in their eyes. They would catch hold of me and ask me things. I noticed all of them had something in common. It was as if the Evil One were sending out these disreputable characters to remind me that the world was his and that I would not escape him. Sometimes I heard weird barking sounds: it must have been a dog, for I only heard it, but this was terrifying enough. A never-ending nightmare!
I was all set to kill myself, when, happily, a friend noticed the strange changes taking place in me. This was very perceptive on her part since, despite my self-absorption, I was behaving normally. But I was totally exhausted by my inner struggle. My strength began to rally when others began to pray for me.
When a person has the strength to realize the gravity of his sin, he must solemnly repudiate the wickedness, so as to begin the process of reparation and healing. I prepared long for that moment. Supported by the prayers of many friends, I finally made this interior act of renunciation in the name of Jesus Christ. This took place during the day, in the same room where I used to read fortunes. No sooner did I make the solemn decision to have done with the Tarot and all things occult, than I saw in my room a hideous figure resembling a werewolf, but incomparably more ghastly and real. I stood there frozen to the spot. I recall the intense hatred in that monster’s eyes–something I had never seen in a living person! Instinctively I prayed the Hail Mary. After a while, the fiend vanished and never reappeared again. Our Blessed Mother always comes to our aid. She is an extraordinary personification of beauty, purity, and meekness, and evil spirits react to her like rats upon seeing a fire in a dark cellar.
After this, I went to see an exorcist, to be purified, set free, and healed in the name of Christ and by the power of His grace. I went for several such sessions.
That was five years ago — a sufficiently long time in which to take stock of the harm my involvement with the occult had wrought in my life. Glory to Jesus for pulling me back from the abyss and slowly building me up! Alas, there are many who will not own up to this sin and remain enslaved by the evil spirit.
In sharing my experience, I wish to warn everyone against the dangers of fortune telling. The pattern is always the same: entice, enslave, and destroy–sooner or later. The complexities of life often prompt us to seek quick answers. Fortune telling provides such answers. Fortune-tellers will often tell us things that astonish us, for no one could possibly know such things but ourselves. Even a well-conducted community interview could not obtain such information. And this is precisely how people allow themselves to be hooked, since they think everything the fortune-teller tells them is the truth.
It is important to understand that the Tarot is a door leading into the realm of magic. The cards have been designed in such a way as to open up a very large area of our lives for demonic forces to act upon and by which to enslave us by playing the role of an all-knowing being. The use of tarot cards is tantamount to the use of spells for calling up spirits.
The fortune-teller need not be aware of this; indeed, it is better that she not know. When we consult the cards, we are breaking the First Commandment, which says that God alone will be the Lord of our life. By this sin we hand ourselves over to the sway of the evil spirits, and the rest unfolds according to the pattern of enslavement. The demons that act through the cards do not know the future, but they can shape it so as to lead the person to eternal ruin. They have great intelligence and do all they can to keep the fortune-teller in a state of sin, for then they have easy access to her. They know her personality, her weaknesses, and all her sins. They manipulate the fortune-teller into thinking she possesses special abilities. Often she thinks these gifts come from God; so then she is in a double bind.
Even in the form of fortune telling, the occult has long-lasting effects. One of these effects is an aversion to the Church and prayer. Once the Evil One holds you in his paws, he will not let you go. At first he will even grant you an illusory sense of peace. He will toss you some extraordinary skill or talent–and then he will destroy you. If you allow him, he will suck all the love out of you and fill the void with corruption, and then pin the blame on others. If a person fails to come to his senses in time and refuses to believe that Jesus is the one Savior and has the power to renew all things, then that person is doomed to spiritual enslavement.
But to receive the grace of healing, we must be meek and open to the Merciful Jesus, who forgives all sins and frees us from enslavement to the occult. Those who have dabbled in this domain need to make a sacramental confession and in a spirit of total trust and patience allow Jesus to continue the process of healing and restoring to life. All this must go hand in hand with daily persevering prayer, frequent reception of Holy Communion, regular confession, and painstaking work on oneself under the direction of a confessor. The ministry of an exorcist, consultation with a Christian psychologist, and the support of a prayer group are also of great help.
While we live on earth, we can win eternal life. The stakes are indeed high: salvation or damnation. God gives us the means by which to win life and not to perish. I am happy to be living in God’s friendship. He was, is, and will always be the stronger one and able to change all things for the better, if we will only trust in Him. Once I entered into death without even knowing it. That is why, so as not to go astray again, I entrust my whole being to the Divine Mercy. As St. Faustina writes: “O God of compassion! You alone can justify me, and you will never reject me, when I, contrite approach your Merciful Heart, where no one has ever been refused, even if he were the greatest sinner” (Diary, 1730).
The article was published with the permission from "Love One Another!" in August 2016.
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