"Love One Another!" 16/2010 → True Love Waits - Pure Hearts
When I began high school, I was a shy, complex-ridden person who feared rejection like the plague. Perhaps that is why I befriended a girl who was always sure of herself and outgoing – the life of the party, as they say. I wanted to be like her, and so I began to follow her example. I used vulgar language, smoked cigarettes and pot. The only thing I lacked were designer cloths to swank about in.
My friend knew my situation. She was not well off either, and yet she always went about in designer clothes and could afford expensive perfumes. One day she confided her secret to me. “It’s such easy money. It won’t cost you anything.” As it turned out, it cost me plenty–too much! I began to sell my body. I became a prostitute.
During every computer class, we would go on web chat. There you could find any number of sponsors. The first time was the worst. After that, it was hard to stop; and that is how I lived off and on for three years. I tried to stop, but the possibility of earning quick money was too attractive. I think I would have been completely lost, if it had not been for a watershed event in my life. I became pregnant. I rejected the idea of an abortion, even though my whole family urged me to have one. My sister even came over from Germany to arrange for a private visit for me with a doctor. I rejected their “help.” Only my mother supported me, as she continues to do now.
With all my heart I thank God for this child. Because of it, I began to realize what a terrible life I had lived. A priest in our parish was of immense help to me. Even though I was a non-believer and against everything having to do with Christianity, he helped us unselfishly. He did not talk about faith or God; all he did was help. That made me begin to wonder.
My daughter’s christening was an important stage in my return to Jesus. For the first time since I was ten, I went to confession. After that, a long road to conversion lay ahead of me, but all the time God gave me signs that He was there and loved me just as I was.
Alas, I would yet fell into sin several times. After one of these lapses, I went into a depression. I was afraid to see people. I could not look at myself in the mirror. For days I would not get out of bed. I could not eat. I loathed myself. And then once again God reached out to me, and I felt especially close to Him. Ever since then I have been going regularly to confession and receiving Jesus into my heart as often as possible. I struggle with impurity all the time. If it were not for Jesus, I would long have been lost, but with Him everything is possible.