Love One Another! 7/2006 → a testimony
I would like to tell you how I met Jesus. God has always been present in my life. I have always been conscious of His love, but until recently I did not think I was worthy of it. He was
just present – in my childish quarrels, during school exams, on my first dates, or when I went to the disco.
Despite my falling into sin, I always went back to Him. Going to Him was like going to a safe haven filled with love; there I could draw on His strength. But then I would go right back to my previous way of life. Sometimes my sense of worthlessness would cause me to break into loud sobs and I would long for Him. And still, though I never doubted His love, I did not believe He could perform a miracle for a person like me. Then I read Saint Faustina’s Diary and something changed. “If only I could trust as she trusted!” – I thought. But you have to pray for faith. You have to find it within you to open your heart to Jesus. He will do the rest.
And so I prayed for the gift of trust. I often went back to the Diary, which became for me a constant wellspring of God’s words. I prayed the chaplet of divine mercy and repeated the litany for doubting souls. Always I asked for greater faith. There was another important reason for begging this grace of Jesus. After numerous medical tests, my doctors told me I had an obstructed fallopian tube. It would have to be removed to save the other. I wept in front of my little domestic altar where I keep an image of the Merciful Jesus as well as of Our Blessed Mother and Pope John Paul II. I begged for their help and with the confidence of Saint Faustina asked God for a miracle. A sense of my sins overwhelmed me but I believed God’s mercy was greater than anything in this world and that this Mercy was intended for just us – sinners.
A day before I went into surgery, Pope John Paul II, the Merciful Jesus and His Blessed Mother appeared to me in a dream. I also remember a voice saying: “Have I ever let you down?” Deeply moved, I burst into tears, but I was no longer afraid. “Why should you love me so much? I don’t deserve it!” – I told Jesus.
I came out of surgery a week ago. I am still weak but feel quite well. When my doctor woke me from general anesthesia, he told me they had removed nothing apart from my appendix and a number of cysts touching my fallopian tube. That is why it had seemed blocked. Medical error? Incorrect diagnosis?.. I’ve no idea what others would call it. All I know is that once again Jesus had not let me down. And so I want everyone to know about His love for us. It is not only saints and chosen people that He loves. He loves every one of us as if we were the only ones on earth. We just have to trust Him and allow Him to guide us. Let us put our trust in Him and remember that He knows what is best for us.
Lord, to trust in you is to weep – but over myself only. And so, bowing my head, I place my trust in you. “If you trust in me, do not weep. Do not even weep over yourself, for I forgive you everything” says Our Lord on the cross, and dies. Lord, to trust in you is to believe in your Resurrection. You ask so little in return for your death for us on the cross.