I am writing this testimony in the hope that it will help
those who are addicted to the sin of masturbation. I do
not exactly recall when I began abusing myself, but I know
that even as a young girl I took an inordinate interest
in my body.
Touching my private parts gave me pleasure, and soon developed
into a habit. Puberty set in. An extravagant imagination turned
my thoughts to impure acts. Along with this came magazines
larded with erotic stories. The worst thing was that I was
aware of the evil of these deeds, and still I was unable to
put an end to them. An inner sadness accompanied each act.
I swore I would no longer give in to my urges. But human beings
are too weak to conquer sin by their own efforts. I did not
understand this. I wanted to do this on my own, but I got
nowhere. The whole business exhausted my efforts, and I would
have thrown in the towel, if the Holy Spirit had not come
to my rescue. He prompted me to make a general confession.
For several days I prepared myself for the event. Above all,
I begged the Lord to give me courage. And He heard me. During
the confession, I unloaded all my troubles on Jesus. Instantly
I felt a great weight drop from my shoulders. I truly met
Jesus in that confessional. Prior to this, I had gone out
of my way to tell the confessor as little as possible. I was
After my general confession, I did not immediately stop
abusing myself. Satan had not given me up for lost, and I
was to experience moments of weakness many times yet. But
I noticed a difference. I was committing the sin less and
less often. Jesus healed me slowly, by degrees. I grew to
understand many things — things I had not stopped to
consider before. I understood that shame, the result of sin,
would remain with me for a good while. This was to remind
me not to fall into the snare of sin again. Even though several
years have now passed, I must still be watchful of my thoughts,
what I read and look at. When temptation arises, I ask for
God’s help. Masturbation is a sin, which leaves deep
traces on the soul. To this day, I am plagued by excessive
shyness, timidity, fear of people, and a tendency to be reclusive.
I pray for all those who struggle with this sin. I pray
that they do not despair but place all their hope in Jesus.
A sincere confession, ardent prayer, and an exercise of willpower
should help. When Jesus heals us, it is important that we
place unbounded trust in Him, and also that we forgive ourselves.
It took me a while to consider writing this testimony. I recall
that your magazine’s testimonies of young people on
the subject of masturbation had a great impact on my own journey.
I admired their courage and openness regarding a topic around
which I felt so much shame. Today I am standing with them.
My great hope is that this witness will speak to someone and
signal in that person the beginnings of a new life.