Black is White Law Glossary with Secret Canons of Judicial Conduct
By
Richard Atnagrag,
http://www.caught.net/nwsltr/candef.htm
Become a member of TranslationDirectory.com at just
$12 per month (paid per year)
Advertisements:
Use the search bar to look for terms in all glossaries, dictionaries, articles and other resources simultaneously
- A.B.A.
- 1. short for American Bar
Association or 2. Arrogant Bullshit
Artists.
- Abuse
Of Discretion:
- 1. original meaning, now
rarely used, was to describe a faulty process
of reasoning when performing a discretionary
act 2. now term means whatever suits
our fancy 3. synonymous with term "Black
Hole", i.e. we know its out there but
damn if we know what it is.
- Aerobic
Activity:
- 1. the healthy practice of
going to and returning from back room meetings.
- Appeal:
- 1. that which makes injustice
impossible 2. the process where time
and financial cost to litigants must never
be taken into consideration 3. the process
which allows us to do as we damn well please
4. that which covers our ass.
- Arrogance
or Arrogant:
- 1. Judicial self esteem 2.
term used by the unenlightened to describe Judges and Lawyers
who are confident and comfortable in their
position 3. term applied to those with
power to decide right from wrong without regarding
right from wrong.
- Attorney:
- 1. business partners 2.
club members.
- Back
Room Meetings:
- 1. term synonymous with "open
court."
- Bullshit:
- term commonly used by the
unintelligent, uneducated or unenlightened when describing misunderstood
Legal Analysis and
Judicial Determinations.
- Civil
Rights:
- 1. formerly things like right
to life, liberty and property 2. more
recently things like the right not to be pinched
in the ass and the right to marry insects.
- Constitution:
- 1. common cause of rectal
pain in the Judiciary 2. great document
for the resourceful
and effective 3. should be condensed
for the unresourceful
and ineffective.
- Common
Sense:
- 1. form of logic
reserved for common people 2. objectively
unverifiable form of logic 3. form of
logic that minimizes or eliminates the highly
specialized hair splitting , perpetuitous
analysis that helps us appear more intelligent
than the masses 4. form of logic non
expert in nature.
- Contempt:
- 1. due process for the assertive
or uncooperative 2. the means by which
the Judiciary molds attorneys.
- Discretion:
- 1. judicial free will 2.
a great "catch all" to justify whatever
it is we do. 3. former meaning dealt
with judicial exercise in areas where there
was no clear law or hard and fast rules. Today
discretion is omnipresent.
- Discretionary
Act:
- 1. the exercise of judicial
free will unencumbered by law, reason, logic or common
sense.
- Due
Process:
- 1. perpetuity 2. perpetual
motions 3. legal and procedural minutiae
4. selective adherence to the Secret
Canons Of Judicial Conduct 5. process
which is not paid for. 6. First, decide
how we want the case to go. Second,
formulate a legal logic to support our decision.
Third, manipulate, dissect or eliminate the
facts and evidence to support our decision.
Then the rubber stamp doctrine of "judicial
discretion" will prevent most decisions
from being overturned!
- End
Result:
- 1. one of the things not
to be considered [others being race, color,
sex etc.] when rendering legal decisions except
when professional embarrassment, media attention
or upsetting the status
quo will result 2. that which can
negatively affect objectivity.
- Evidence:
- 1. matters we choose to accept
as relevant utilizing a standard which may
be disconnected from objective reality 2.
matters that allow us to direct the course
of a trial 3. sometimes called judicial
slight of hand.
- Ex
parte:
- 1. rule prohibiting inappropriate
contact or discussion with a party other than
a Pro Se litigant or the
unresourceful and
ineffective.
- Experts:
- 1. one of the best tools
devised to deny jury trials to the unresourceful and ineffective 2. those
who organize or disorganize, identify or misidentify
and label or mislabel particulate matter into
a truth or evidence for recognition
by and consideration of the trier of fact
3. people whose job is similar to the
replicators on Star Trek.
- Fair:
- 1. term means what the Judiciary
says it means 2. adherence to the Secret
Canons of Judicial Conduct 3. a festival
or gathering.
- Fair
and Just:
- 1. term describing a pipedream
or fantasy 2. term describing strict
adherence to the Secret Canons Of Judicial
Conduct 3. common names for twins in
the Netherlands.
- Free
Will:
- 1. judicial discretion
- Honorable:
- 1. worthy of honor because
of position instead of performance.
- Impartial:
- 1. unbiased, objective...whatever
the hell that means.
- Income
Taxes:
- 1. the best damn hoax in
history 2. Washington KY jelly.
- Independence
Of The Judiciary:
- 1. Judicial rationale to
justify Judicial Determinations 2. effective
argument to cover up mistakes 3. that
which assists Judicial self esteem.
- Injustice:
- 1. justice for the unenlightened
2. term used by those not understanding
Justice 3. synonymous
with term "Judicial
Efficiency".
- IRS:
- 1. the second best damn hoax
in history [see Income Taxes] 2. the
organization Congress pretends to desire changing
3. the biggest bluffers and liars in
the Country 4. the congressional ATM
5. organization which forcefully collects
voluntary income taxes. 6. sometimes
synonymous with organized crime.
- Judicial
Determinations:
- 1. legal decisions which
may or may not be based on the arguments raised
2. decisions made after every possible
method of delay has been utilized 3.
usually synonymous with Status
Quo.
- Judicial
Discretion:
- 1. See Discretion,
Discretionary Act and Free
Will.
- Judicial
Efficiency:
- 1. Synonymous with term Injustice
and phrase "Screw, we don't have time
for you." 2. that which takes priority
over full and fair justice.
- Judicial
Misconduct:
- 1. term commonly misapplied
to a Judge's attempts at efficiency. 2.
mythical, non existent conduct 3.
a paradox.
- Judiciary:
- 1. group of Judges forever
more impressed with themselves than they should
be 2. group of Judges highly respected
and regarded regardless of their production
or quality of work. 3. synonymous with
Royalty.
- Jury
Nullification:
- 1. formerly power of informed
jury to vote their conscience 2. term
now considered as offensive and as unmentionable
as faggot, nigger, jew, bitch etc.
- Just:
- 1. abbreviation for the name
Justin or Justina.
- Justice:
- 1. the precious and proper
administration of laws effectuated by legal
analysis and the Secret Canons of Judicial
Conduct; said administration being unaffected
by the end result, even
when the end result is the improper administration
of laws. 2. more of a privilege than
a right. 3. due to the value of Justice,
every possible option of denial should be
considered so it never is dispensed casually,
freely or indiscriminately.
- Justice
For All:
- 1. "all" in this
phrase means those who are left standing after
judiciously applying the Secret Canons of
Judicial Conduct and legal analysis to their case 2. phrase really
means the possibility of Justice for all provided
the person desiring Justice knows or can pay
for skills effective in the manipulation of
legal and procedural minutiae
and the Secret Canons of Judicial Conduct.
- Law:
- 1. the vast selection of
written and unwritten ingredients which we
recipe to make Judicial
Decisions. 2. analogous to the Bible
in that it can be made to say whatever one
desires 3. impossible to break provided
a Judicial Decision incorporates
it in some form or fashion. 4. synonymous
with the terms "Silly Putty" and
"Whatever" 5. written word
with the power to create illusion of equal
and fair justice for all.
- Legal Analysis
or Legal Reasoning:
- 1. thinking usually independent
of and unaffected by objective reality 2. the process of using
legal terms to alter, create or deny reality
3. process used to maintain or assist
the status quo, power structure and the resourceful
and effective 4. a thought process
commonly raised to the level of stupidity
while maintaining the appearance of brilliance
5. sometimes called inverted intelligence.
- Limine,
Motion in:
- 1. selection or elimination
of evidence for the
purpose of directing a trial in the direction
we feel it should go 2. legal tool which
can never result in injustice due to the right
of appeal.
- Logic:
- 1. the word "cigol"
spelled backwards 2. term meaning Logistically
Organized Gobbledygook Intended
to Confuse 3. form of mental
masturbation 4. a great video arcade
game.
- Militias:
- 1. fruitcakes under the delusion
the Constitution, Bill Of Rights and the principles
this Country were founded on are still in
full effect. 2. terrible followers who
won't listen and ask too many questions.
- No
one or Noone:
- The secret last name of all
Judges so they won't be lying when they say,
"No one is above the law."
- No
one is above the law:
- Phrase is analogous to "Santa
or the Easter Bunny is coming." 2.
Phrase which results in roars of laughter
amongst drunken Judges and Lawyers.
- Objective
Reality:
- 1. that which is unwritten
and usually not incorporated into Legal Analysis or Judicial Decisions
2. that which can not be verified 3.
that which requires expert
testimony for verification and identification.
- Objectivity:
- 1. whatever is the preferred
viewpoint of the judiciary 2. opposite of "reality based"
- Open
Court:
- 1. a court having a door
that opens and closes without obstruction.
- Plea
Bargain:
- 1. an effective tool to avoid
those damn juries and hide prosecutorial misconduct, overcharging and abuse.
3. justice for the unresourceful
and ineffective
- Poor:
- 1. the Unresourceful
and Ineffective 2. those that shouldn't
ask for what they can't pay for.
- Pro
Se Litigant:
- 1. litigants with invalid
arguments 2. bastards who forget we
are trying to run a business here 3.
those who don't understand what "members
only" means 4. those unfamiliar
with their place in this world.
- Prosecutorial
Misconduct:
- 1. term commonly misapplied
to Prosecutor's attempts at efficiency. 2.
mythical, non existent conduct 3.
a paradox.
- Relevance
or Relevant:
- 1. that which suits the fancy
of the Judiciary 2. synonymous with
"Judicial personal opinion".
- Res
Judicata:
- 1. legal term describing
revolving door used to give the bum's rush
out the courtroom to the Unresourceful
and Ineffective 2. Latin term meaning,
"we made up our mind before you came
in and this procedure covers our ass."
3. legal doctrine used to deny the Unresourceful and Ineffective a full and fair
hearing on the merits 4. legal tool
used to create the illusion of due process.
- Resourceful
and Effective:
- 1. terms used to describe
those having the means or ability to command
our attention [i.e. wealthy, connected to
a power structure, able to attract media attention]
2. those effective in the manipulation
of legal and procedural minutiae
and the Secret Canons of Judicial Conduct
3. those whose financial, political
or social status and resources are incorporated
into our Legal Analysis 4. can be used to describe the
rich Compare to Unresourceful
and Ineffective
- Right:
- 1. our spin on the events
before us 2. Judicial Determinations 3. regulated privileges
or favors granted by Government.
- Right
To Bear Arms:
- 1. regulated privilege granted
by the Constitution giving Citizens the right
to wear tank tops, athletic T-shirts, sleeveless
blouses or in some form or fashion leave their
arms exposed in public.
- Rights:
- 1. regulated privileges 2.
favors of Government.
- Royalty:
- 1. not used, but in principle
refers to the Judiciary or the resourceful
and effective
- Sovereign:
- 1. outdated term commonly
used by anti-government groups. 2. threatening
term which is best avoided 3. vague,
undefined.
- Status
Quo:
- 1. golf on Thursdays 2.
Judicial "comfort zone" 3.
synonymous with term "loyalty."
- Truth:
- 1. whatever experts
say for pay 2. whatever the Judiciary
decides through the use of Legal
Analysis.
- Unenlightened:
- 1. litigants unknowledgeable
regarding our position and power.
- Unresourceful
and Ineffective:
- 1. terms used to describe
those not having the means or ability to command
our attention [i.e. the poor, unconnected
to a power structure, unable to attract media
attention] 2. those not effective in
the manipulation of legal and procedural minutiae and the Secret Canons of
Judicial Conduct 3. those whose financial,
political or social status or resources is
not incorporated into our Legal
Analysis unless said status commands influence.
4. can be used to describe the Poor
5. Compare to Resourceful
and Effective
- Voice
Of The People
- 1. who the hell knows what
this means, all voices sound different to
us.
- Will
Of The People
- 1. legally unsound, everyone
should make out their own will.
|
SECRET CANON 1 ATTORNEY GENERAL AND
PUBLIC DEFENDER
- 1 Prosecutorial Discretion
- 1(A) We hold the prudent
practice of "see, hear and speak no evil"
essential as related to the office of the
Attorney General [secretly called the "power
structure's Mafia"]. Therefore:
- 1(A)(i) We hold
the latitude we give the Public Defender's
office compensates for any inequality
of justice or prosecutorial
misconduct and
- 1(A)(ii) We ignore
the practice of overcharging by the Attorney
General regardless of how many are forced
into false admissions or plea bargains.
- 1(A)(iii) We hold
overcharging can assist bar members with
revenue enhancement and improves efficiency
by reducing demands for jury trials and
we shall not consider
- any guidelines stating
otherwise or
- the devastation in
the lives of those so affected.
- 1(A)(iv) Since
it is the job of the Attorney General
to "get" people, any means they
use to do so is acceptable since they
are the will
and voice
of the people.
- 1(A)(v) If the
Attorney General's Office violates laws,
rules or ethics while "getting"
people then let the trial process sort
it out. To hell with the
following:
- those who can't afford
effective counsel, a trial or those
having a Public Defender and
- those who get a Judge
skilled in the use of judicial
discretion who covers up or ignores
prosecutorial misconduct citing "judicial
efficiency" and the "duty
of the state."
- 1(A)(vi) Having
a bold aggressive Attorney General is
of greater benefit to Society than any
possible damage to individual life and
liberty.
- 1(B) Public Defender
-
- 1(B)(i) The importance
we place on justice can always be measured
by the amount of resources given the Public
Defender in proportion to the amount of
resources given the Attorney General.
- 1(B)(ii) Under
staffing and under funding of the Public
Defender:
- enhances Judicial
efficiency and eases the court calendar
by promoting plea bargains, suicides,
breakdowns, despair, fleeing etc. and
- can give us more
bang for our buck by turning the Public
Defender into an extension of the
Attorney General's office and
- can demonstrate effective
use of the "good cop (Public
Defender)" "bad cop (Attorney
General)" scenario and
- can assist members
of the bar with property acquisition
and other revenue enhancements.
- 1(B)(iii) Any uncooperative
Public Defender making an issue of judicial
or prosecutorial misconduct or ethics
violations shall be removed as quickly
as possible.
|
SECRET CANON 2 JUDICIAL BEHAVIOR TOWARDS LITIGANTS
- 2(A) Confident Litigants
- Any litigant appearing confident
can be baffled by minutia or Judicially enhanced
procedural criteria.
- 2(B) Judicial Dominance
- Occasionally we encounter
a litigant who doesn't know we are king.
We hold the following tools effective
in forcing a resistant litigant into submission:
- intimidation by any means
- condescending looks,
gestures or comments
- expressing or instigating
anger, outrage or shock
- obvious impatience
- rushing the proceedings
- frequent checks of the
time
- cautionary glances toward
the Bailiff
- appearing distressed
or uncomfortable like one needing to go
to the bathroom
- yelling the magic word
"NEXT!"
- raising unrelated, irrelevant
or confusing issues and
- loud bangs using the
gavel.
- 2(C) The Need For Attorneys
- We shall continue to stress
the need to have an Attorney
without addressing the fact the overwhelming
majority of Americans can not afford them.
This is effective in keeping the unresourceful and ineffective at bay.
- 2(D) The Ultimate Authority
- Citizens must be continually
led to believe that the Judiciary
is the final or ultimate authority in our
system of Government.
- 2(E) Practice Of Law
Forbidden
- We shall try as best we can
to confuse clarifying issues with our inability
to give advice. This makes us less apt to
stick our foot in our mouth.
- 2(F) Sincerity Of The
Judiciary
- We shall never appear insincere
when stating absurdities, untruths, mistruths
or nonsense. We shall always act like the
hearer is unknowledgeable, naive or unseasoned.
- 2(G) Judicial Fairness
- We shall always remember
when deciding the significance of an individual
to consider money, connections, power, politics
and the ability to get media attention in
deciding how fair
we need to be.
- 2(H) Judicial Response
To Criticism
- We forever hold the response
to valid or invalid criticism should be indignance.
- 2(I) Judicial Efficiency
- We hold instigating outrage,
frustration, anger or other emotions in litigants
can be an effective tool to rid ourselves
of the unwanted litigant.
- 2(J) Judicial Handling
Of The Ignorant
- The client demanding Justice and the full respect of their rights
shall be treated with pity and patience.
- 2(K) Judicial Authority
- Due to the authoritative
nature of black robes, we shall continue to
resist their removal.
|
SECRET CANON 3 EXPERTS AND EXPERT TESTIMONY
- 3(A) Efficiency Of
Experts
- We hold one of the greatest
innovations for eliminating ineffective
and unresourceful litigants is the ever
expanding use of expert testimony.
- 3(B) Evolution Of Experts
- This innovation will reach
maturity when we routinely use levels of experts
on experts to testify on the validity and
expertise of each expert.
|
SECRET CANON 4 JUDICIAL AND PROSECUTORIAL DISCRETION
- 4(A) Discretion Defined
- We maintain judicial and
prosecutorial discretion is doing whatever
we damn well please within the judicially
prudent guidelines we happen to be following
at the time.
- 4(B) Review Of Discretionary
Acts
- We shall never promulgate
awareness of the real legal issue regarding
the use and review of judicial and prosecutorial
discretion which is the process of reasoning
used in the discretionary act's decision making
process. We shall convert the process of reasoning
argument into an argument regarding the validity
of doing or not doing the discretionary act.
|
SECRET CANON 5 JUDICIAL OVERSIGHT
- 5(A) Oversight Immunity
- The immunity of everyone
overseeing the Judiciary
must be maintained to prevent witch hunts
and the overzealous from affecting the independence
of the Judiciary. The Judiciary does not
require the vulnerable or corrective oversight
of the masses.
- 5(B) Judicial Objectivity
- We shall always remember
the real symbolic reason behind the woman
with the blindfold and scale. Objectivity and independence
means remaining as blind as possible to wrong
doing committed by the Judiciary,
members of the bar, and the resourceful and effective.
- 5(C) Judicial Self-Evaluation
- To maintain the independence
of the Judiciary,
we hold each others rulings to be legally
and factually correct regardless of the injustice
that results, the facts or the law.
- 5(D) Judicial Opinions
Of Judges
- To insure effective oversight
of the Judiciary,
we shall never criticize each other regardless
of the severity of the wrong or the injustice.
- 5(E) Trust Us, We're
Judges
- We hold self monitoring and
absolute immunity as foolhardy, ineffective
and unworkable for everyone except
the Judiciary and judicial oversight committees.
- 5(F) Judicial Job Performance
- To allows us to remain
unconcerned about upsetting the status quo,
we shall keep the public convinced their
interference will negatively affect the independence
of the Judiciary making Judges afraid to do
their jobs.
- 5(G) The Judicial Mosaic
Tablet
- We shall forever speak of
centuries of Judicial immunities as proof
of Judicial immunities' necessity and
effectiveness without ever mentioning Judicial
wrongdoing has been around as long as Judges.
- 5(H) Delay = Denied
- We hold admission of any
Judicial wrongdoing delayed is admission of
Judicial wrongdoing denied.
- 5(I) Complete And Through
Review
- We hold there is no judicial
wrongdoing which can not be diminished
by time, levels of hearings and precise dissection
, categorization and delegation of related
facts and responsibilities.
|
SECRET CANON 6 JUDICIAL THOUGHT AND LEGAL REASONING
- 6(A) Judicial Zen
-
- 6(A)(i) We hold
the logic for our legal reasoning is embodied in the following statement
which is understood only by the enlightened:
"Because we open a window to the
outside of this room does not mean we
order, allow, permission or induce any
air, dust, molecules, light waves, solar
radiation, atoms, or any known or unknown
wave or particulate matter from outside
to enter this room and are not responsible
if said events occur due to the contextual
basis of our decisions."
- 6(A)(ii) We believe
in the existence of the metaphysical "third
eye." This enables us to selectively
avoid looking out our other two eyes.
- 6(A)(iii) In the
beginning was our word. Our word was with
God, our word IS God.
- 6(A)(iv) To think
is to be right.
- 6(A)(v) There is
no issue that cannot be split into parts,
and there is no part that can't be considered
as the whole issue.
- 6(B) The Dangers Of
Common Sense And Factual Integration
-
- 6(B)(i) The consideration
of the end
result our decision has when integrated
with the "outside world" can
lead to decisions based on "common
sense" and must be avoided.
- 6(B)(ii) "Common Sense" lessens the highly specialized
analytical and intelligent nature of the
Judiciary creating the undesirable illusion we
think like the masses.
- 6(B)(iii) "Common sense" must not be part of legal proceedings
because it cannot be objectively verified.
- 6(B)(iv) Large
scale factual integration with realities
of the outside world can negatively affect
the perfection of our written word.
- 6(C) Judicial Self
Esteem
- We endeavor to remain forever
impressed with each other, our performance
and our status irregardless of the availability
or affordability of Justice.
- 6(D) Lip Service
- We hold the consideration
and realities of the quality or delivery of
Justice
should be given lip service faithfully.
- 6(E) The Third Person
- We hold the "system"
shall always be spoken of in the third person
as if it operates independently from individuals.
- 6(F) Judicial Secret
Mantra
- We may think but not say,
"I am the closest thing to God you will
ever know."
- 6(G) Protection Of
Status Quo
- We shall remember "separate
but equal" was around for 100 years.
If we hadn't listened to the masses
it might still be good law.
Therefore we shall keep the shades drawn so
reality won't affect or disturb the independence
of our decision making process or the Status Quo.
- 6(H) The Written Word
- We hold what looks good on
paper must be good.
- 6(I) The Primary Concern
- We shall never consider the
end result of our decisions unless it could result
in professional embarrassment, loss of status
or media attention.
- 6(J) Public Ignorance
- Arrogance is how Citizens define us when they are not
fully aware of the nature or scope of our
position.
- 6(K) Judicial Discretion
- Judicial Discretion means
we can do what we damn well please and is
a great tool for denying appeals and judicial wrongdoing.
- 6(L) The Ultimate Truth
- We irreversibly hold reality
must conform to our decisions.
- 6(M) Judicial Precision
- We shall forever work on
perfecting the art of the polite, dignified,
respectful, orderly administered and well
twisted screw.
- 6(N) The Judicial Last
Laugh
- As related to the Judiciary, the term "over my dead body" is
not a cliche but factually correct.
|
SECRET CANON 7 JURIES AND JURY TRIALS
- 7(A) Constitution Typo
- We hold the right in the Constitution to jury trials in civil matters is a typo.
- 7(B) Evidence Seen
By Jury
- We hold the illusion of justice can be created by thoughtful selection of the
evidence
seen by the Jury.
- 7(C) Evolution Of Jury
Trials
- Except for criminal matters
for the wealthy, we secretly maintain the
elimination of jury trials and continue searching
for ways to get that goddamn Constitution
out of our way.
- 7(D) Jury Nullification
- We shall remember to act
outraged at any mention of the vulgar practice
called Jury
Nullification.
- 7(D)(i) Judicial View
On Jury Nullification And Instruction
- We hold the public does not
have the intellectual sophistication to handle
the power that comes with jury nullification. This power should only be in the
hands of the Judiciary.
- 7(D)(ii) Jury Instruction
- In our continuing efforts
to protect the public we must continue to
"persuade" juries, via involuntary
neurological suppression, into believing:
- 7(D)(ii)(1) they
can only do what we say and
- 7(D)(ii)(2) they
are not allowed to vote their conscience
and
- 7(D)(ii)(3) they
should only vote regarding facts and judicially
selected evidence,
not facts and the law.
- 7(E) Jury Selection
- We must continue to use the
word "random selection" when describing
the jury selection pool since "random
selection" can mean a non specific selection
of any group.
|
SECRET CANON 8 JUSTICE
- 8(A) The Value Of Justice
- We forever hold Justice as the precious and proper administration of
laws filtered
by legal
analysis and unaffected by the end result, even when the end result is the improper
administration of laws.
- 8(B) The Privilege
Of Justice
- We hold Justice to be more of a privilege than a right.
As a result, Justice should never be dispensed
casually, freely or indiscriminately.
- 8(C) Appeals Insure
Justice
- We hold a denial of justice is an impossibility due to everyone's right
of appeal.
We hold this to be true irregardless of a
litigant's time, money or resources.
- 8(D) Justice For All
- We hold Justice is for all , but only after first deciding
which standard of law
we will apply, the "spirit of the law"
or the "letter of the law" and after;
- 8(D)(i) the exact
terminology and the exact questions are
used to describe the injustice in the exact manner we require at the
time and
- 8(D)(ii) said terminology
is precisely used with other precise terminology
in the exact manner we happen to be requiring
at the time and
- 8(D)(iii) the exact
form is used in the exact manner we happen
to be requiring at the time and
- 8(D)(iv) said form
is exactly prepared with other exactly
prepared forms which we are requiring
at the time and
- 8(D)(v) time requirements
are exactly followed with respect to a
host of issues that we happen to be requiring
at the time and
- 8(D)(vi) all tools
of eliminating litigants have been judiciously
attempted such as overcharging, plea bargain,
premature dismissals, expert
testimony, res judicata,etc. and
- 8(D)(vii) we can't
possibly find a way to use the great catch
all "judicial discretion" to
eliminate a litigant and
- 8D(viii) we have
made litigants go through as many possible
steps as we can conjure up irregardless
of the litigant's time or financial resources
and
- 8(D)(ix) any other
judicially prudent, meticulous and painstaking
attempt at finding a reason to avoid granting
Justice unnecessarily.
- 8(E) Due Process Defined
- First, decide how we want
the case to go. Second, formulate a
legal logic to support our decision.
Third, manipulate, dissect or eliminate the
facts and evidence to support our decision.
Then the rubber stamp doctrine of "judicial
discretion" will prevent most decisions
from being overturned
|
SECRET CANON 9 LAW
- 9(A) The Nature Of
Law
- We hold the nature of the
law similar to "silly putty". We may bend,
stretch or reshape the law to say what fits
our purpose.
- 9(B) The Flexibility
Of Law
- We hold the law is like the Bible, it can be made to say anything
we want with enough quotes, viewpoints and
cross references.
- 9(C) The Standards
Of Law
- The "letter of the law"
and the "spirit of the law" are
two different legal standards of Justice and the Law. We may choose the standard that suits our fancy.
- 9(D) The Equal Application
Of Law
- We hold the law must always be equally applied, depending on the
circumstances and the litigant.
- 9(E) No One Above The
Law
- We hold no one is above the law. [Tee hee hee, wink wink]
|
SECRET CANON 10 ON AND OFF THE RECORD
- 10(A) Purpose Of Back
Room Meetings
- We will make ample use of
back room meetings to keep litigants in the dark. They
can not and should not see or understand the
process of litigation.
- 10(B) Back Room Meetings
Enhance Justice
-
- 10(B)(i) We hold
injustice can not result from back
room meetings because if wrongdoing
occurs, clients can sue their Lawyers for malpractice.
- 10(B)(ii) To avoid
complications, we avoid mentioning or
considering the resources required for
or the near impossibility of finding a
lawyer
to sue another lawyer.
- 10(C) Health Benefits
Of Back Room Meetings
- We hold the practice of moving
to and from back
room meetings can assist with circulation,
constipation, rectal itch, gaseous emissions,
breathing and caloric consumption.
- 10(D) Back Room Meetings
Are Open Court
- We shall go off the record
as much as possible being careful to maintain
the illusion of "open court."
- 10(E) The Unmentionable
Contract
- We prefer clients not be
present in back room meetings while never mentioning we hold the
client to whatever their lawyer agrees to in these meetings.
- 10(F) Accuracy Of Record
- We resist new equipment that
transcribes immediately. We prefer to have
the option of making corrections to insure
accuracy before the record is transcribed.
- 10(G) Consequences
Of Clients At Back Room Meetings
- We hold a client's presence
at back room meetings can result in inappropriate evaluations
of Judicial and Attorney conduct and expertise.
|
SECRET CANON 11 PRO SE'S, THE POOR AND INDIGENTS
- 11(A) The Protection
Of The Public
- 11(A)(i) We hold the
need to protect the public from the dangers
of self representation far outweighs the fair impartial administration of Justice.
To protect the public from the dangers of
self representation we shall:
- 11(A)(i)(1) approach
the Pro Se, poor or indigent's complaint from this
objectively protective and compassionate
position, "Is there anyway I can
deny this petition?"
- 11(A)(i)(2) use
Judicially prudent unbiased techniques
to intimidate, frustrate, anger, nit pick,
postpone, play with or in any other way
rid ourselves of a Pro
Se, poor or indigent litigant.
- 11(A)(i)(3) assist
the Pro Se, poor or indigent in a resolution
by bending or ignoring the rules on ex parte communications.
- 11(A)(i)(4) nurture
an unfriendly environment in a dignified
and polite manner.
- 11(A)(i)(5) minimize
or ignore Judicial, Court or Attorney
errors while magnifying any errors of
the Pro Se, poor or indigent litigant.
- 11(A)(i)(6) politely
move on to the next case before the Pro
Se, poor or indigent is finished. This
will assist eliminating them later with
arguments such as Res Judicata.
- 11(B) Disposition Before
Written Decisions
-
- 11(B)(i) It is
best to be rid of a Pro
Se, poor or indigent litigant before
having to render a decision requiring
written legal
analysis.
- 11(B)(ii) If forced
to render a written opinion on a Pro Se
, poor or indigent case, we will stick
to or switch to the arguments that validate
our desired position.
- 11(B)(iii) In Pro
Se poor or indigent cases, we prefer unpublished
opinions. This makes it easier to perpetuate
non sequiturs and pseudo-justice while
maintaining the illusion of due process.
- 11(C)(iv) We hold
"giving the dog a bone" occasionally
is good practice and gives us some ammunition
when our integrity is questioned.
- 11(C) The Superiority
Of Bar Members
- When dealing with a Pro Se, poor or indigent litigant, we shall always
give credence to members of the Bar's arguments,
regardless of how absurd or off point they
are.
- 11(D) The Superiority
Of The Status Quo
- In cases involving the system,
member of the bar or the status
quo versus the Pro
Se, poor or indigent litigant make sure
the system, member of the bar or the status
quo prevail regardless of how you must ignore
or pervert the issues .
- 11(E) Irrebuttable
Presumption Of Pro Se Ignorance
- We hold the Pro Se, poor or indigent litigant does not or
can not understand the complex issues of litigation.
- 11(F) Methods For Smart
Alec Pro Se, Poor Or Indigent Litigants
- If a Pro Se, poor or indigent
does understand the issues we shall:
- 11(F)(i) repeatedly
bait them to go off point or
- 11(F)(ii) convince
them they don't understand or
- 11(F)(iii) diligently
look for and focus on a point they don't
understand clearly or
- 11(F)(iv) continue
until they err, running with the error
to make a touchdown.
- 11(G) Attitude Toward
Naive Pro Se, poor or indigent Litigant
- We shall always take a patient
but condescending attitude with a Pro
Se, poor or indigent litigant that is
so naive as to demand and expect fair, impartial Justice and the law applied as written.
- 11(H) The Inability
To Practice Law
- Our inability to give legal
advice or advocate is restricted to Pro
Se, poor or indigent litigants, not members
of the bar, the fictitious corporate person
or the State.
- 11(I) The In Forma
Pauparis Hearing
- We hold when questioning
a litigant attempting to file In Forma Pauparis
regarding what they own to never reveal the
legal definition of "own" is to
have and hold title. This effectively eliminates
the unresourceful
and ineffective and our ass is covered.
- 11(J) The Judicial
Nightmare
- The nightmare of having the
public believe they have a chance of receiving
justice without a lawyer must be avoided at
all costs. The Courts are best operated as
a "members only" organization.
|
SECRET CANON 12 PUBLIC AND THE MEDIA
- 12(A) Appeasing The
Public
-
- 12(A)(i) Exemplifying
one case where the system worked can cover
a multitude of sins.
- 12(A)(ii) Occasional
written opinions regarding concern about
justice
for the poor are effective in perpetuating
the myth that we are continually and aggressively
working on this issue.
- 12(A)(iii) When
all else fails, schedule future hearings.
- 12(B) Handling Of Liability
- We hold where liability of
the privileged, the system or the status
quo is involved, admission of wrong doing
or error causes more harm than good. However,
occasionally throwing the dog a bone can cover
a multitude of sins.
- 12(C) Objective Public
Image Maintained
- We will continue to resist
equipment in legal proceedings that can record
emotion, attitude or personality traits which
can affect the course of proceedings.
- 12(D) High Profile
Trials
- High profile trials are an
opportunity to show Americans the way the
system should work. This is advantageous to
the overwhelming majority of Americans who
would never see it otherwise. This also minimizes
complaints of the non-existence of an effective
judicial system.
- 12(E) The Priority
Of The Public Trust
- We hold the public trust
must be maintained regardless of how we have
to lie, cheat or steal to maintain it.
- 12(F) Media Focus and
Public Attention
- We hold hearings on any judicial
wrongdoing should never be conducted when
media attention or public awareness is high.
- 12(G) Judicial Verbal
Equivalents To The Finger
- When dealing with the public
and the media, we shall never forget the power
of the statements,
- "You don't understand
the intricacies and operations of law"
and
- "It would be inappropriate
for me to comment" and
- "Many times Judges
have knowledge of details not known
by the public."
|
SECRET CANON 13 RULES AND PROCEDURES
- 13(A) Value Of Justice
- We hold Justice should always be fought for, never freely handed
out.
- 13(B) The True Essence
Of Procedure
- We shall strive to find the
breaking point in each individual.
- 13(C) Productivity
- To create the illusion of
productivity we shall forever hold Justice
in front of litigants like a carrot on a stick.
- 13(D) Administration
Of Justice
- We hold the selective and
selectively meticulous application and adherence
to rules and procedure can be used to override
the administration of Justice
if the administration of Justice requires
it.
- 13(E) The Obstacle
Course Objective
- We shall always remember
the amount of Citizens we have to deal with
is contingent on the number of hoops we require
they go through.
- 13(F) Time Of The Essence
- We shall remember time is
on our side and the passage of time can create
the illusion of thoroughness.
- 13(G) Due Process
- We hold the term "due process" can imply the payment of money.
|
SECRET CANON 14 THE SUPREMACY OF THE CORPORATE PERSON
- 14(A) The Corporate
Person v. The Individual
- 14(A)(i) The fictitious
Corporate person shall be held in higher
esteem than the individual.
- 14(B)(ii) We hold
individuals are better represented by a
corporate entity. This is more efficient
and results in fewer demands for Rights
or Justice.
|
SECRET CANON 15 LYING AND TRUTH TELLING
- 15(A) The Ethics Of
Lying
-
- 15(A)(i) To maintain
the ethical nature of legal proceedings,
the word "lie" is considered
vulgar as related to statements from the
Judiciary
or members of the bar.
- 15(A)(ii) We shall
use terms like misspoke, spoken in error,
inadvertent utterance, involuntary neurological
transmission, spontaneous somnambulistic
manifestation or some terminology denoting
non deliberate intent when describing
the statements in question.
- 15(A)(iii) We hold
the near impossibility of the existence
of the lie because objective reality can have countless varied creative
interpretations and constructive descriptions.
Calling another's view of objective reality
a lie shows a lack of intelligence, creative
viewpoints and critical thinking skills.
- 15(B) The Ethics Of
Truth
- 15(B)(i) We hold truth is
that which is least damaging to the status
quo.
|
Find free glossaries at TranslationDirectory.com
Find free dictionaries at TranslationDirectory.com
Subscribe to free TranslationDirectory.com newsletter
Need more translation jobs from translation agencies? Click here!
Translation agencies are welcome to register here - Free!
Freelance translators are welcome to register here - Free!
Submit your glossary or dictionary for publishing at TranslationDirectory.com
|